I made it through the last few days of school by telling myself that I am a woman with more than 5 kinds of rum in my liquor cabinet. Is that bad? Because I don't think that's bad. What's bad is that today I felt that that was not enough and that like all other teachers, I might have to go to the "Alphabet Store" (AKA the ABC store which is where one buys alcohol) because I really was feeling more like gin than rum. That's bad.
But right now it's silent. The Kid is off at piano. The wonderful husband who took him there has offered to eat eggs tonight so I don't have to "cook" cook. My house is spotlessly clean because our incredible cleaning lady was here this morning and it smells great because one of my partners at school gave me this delicious sage and citrus candle. And I got paid. For real because I am certified (and certifiable, Kassia, that too). For this one shining moment, there is peace on earth for me.
Thursday, December 20, 2007
Sunday, December 16, 2007
Strange events of late
When I took my current teaching job it was with the understanding that I would get provisional certification in about 6 weeks and then be on contract. Ah, but bureaucracy got in the way.
After about six weeks I did indeed hear from the state. They had a copy of my transcript from when I got my original certification. But they'd put it on microfilm. And they couldn't read it. So I needed another one. Grrrr. So I went online and got a digital copy with a digital signature. The state won't accept that. I needed an official copy (the digital one was, btw) on the appropriately grave and somber paper. $64 later I had them overnighted and off to the state.
Then I get the news that I have been turned down for a provisional certification. Why? Because apparently an education from the University of Chicago (ranked #9 in the nation behind the ivies, MIT, Cal Tech and inexplicably, Duke) was not sufficient to teach third grade. The state claimed I needed 6 credits of social sciences (actually they still do) including geography and economics. I guess reading Adam Smith's The Wealth of Nations, Max Weber, and Karl Marx, among others isn't really economics, right? I mean, Smith only freaking invented the discipline!! Oh and I needed more math. Because I'd only taken a year of calculus. And everyone knows that you need more math than that to teach multiplication and division facts. Oh and I also needed some English classes. Because I only had 2 years of English from some of the top people in the country (David Bevington and Michael Murrin come to mind). And I needed that pesky geography. Because a degree in Near Eastern Civilizations and Medieval Studies never taught me anything about geography. Nor did my entire course on the evolution of the earth and it's physical properties. Oh and I needed student teacher, observation, curriculum and Language Arts instruction. WTF?!?!
So I began to gather information. In order to justify my education to a state that takes people who don't know that oil, not sun is what most cars run on in the world, who don't know "what that archduke guy" had to do with World War I, who cannot understand that the Bill of Rights is a series of amendments to the Constitution, not their own constitution, I had to find course descriptions of the classes I took in college almost 20 years ago. And as it turns out, Chicago, while relatively moribund in some ways, is no longer teaching some of the classes.
First I called the Alumni Association to find out who to call. They put me through to admissions who had no idea why. They told me to call the registrar who was closed. I called admissions back. They told me to call career placement services who were just as foul and surly as I remembered them being. I couldn't get the description of my Humanities courses. I did get the soc ones (Hmmmmm, Soc.... Not Social Sciences, surely!). But the math was going to be a problem.
And then my wonderful fabulous husband stepped in. He was pissed. And not just a little bit. He sent a scathing letter off to everyone who could conceivably help in any way (think school board member, our state senator, our state representative, the mayor, superintendent, etc). I was still trying the old fashioned way by collecting data.
The next morning I was as down as I could be, looking at either taking some jackass math class on addition and subtraction from an online place and facing a year of $155/day with no leave time at all, when who should come to my door, but my incredibly amazing principal (she is so unbelievable I can't get over it!) and the head of HR. She'd had a little chatty poo with the Powers that Be at the State, and Lo! Calculus would be sufficient for my provisional certification so that I could teach things like 1/2 is more than 1/4! I was on contract! I would be paid! I could go to the dentist and not lose any money! My poor, ground, chipped teeth could be cared for (but not paid for by the city whose benefits I have never taken and who has made money off me on that for years)! I could get a Pap Smear in peace (or relative, because let's face it, that procedure totally sucks).
So that was the drama of the past week. That and the other crap that usually happens. Insane children, threats of pending snow (didn't happen), etc.
Oh and I bought The Kid a bed. A loft bed. So yesterday was a massive purge-a-rama in the house to make room for the old bed and get the new one in.
And the painter can't come until January. But may be doing the bathroom this week. If he can. Maybe.
After about six weeks I did indeed hear from the state. They had a copy of my transcript from when I got my original certification. But they'd put it on microfilm. And they couldn't read it. So I needed another one. Grrrr. So I went online and got a digital copy with a digital signature. The state won't accept that. I needed an official copy (the digital one was, btw) on the appropriately grave and somber paper. $64 later I had them overnighted and off to the state.
Then I get the news that I have been turned down for a provisional certification. Why? Because apparently an education from the University of Chicago (ranked #9 in the nation behind the ivies, MIT, Cal Tech and inexplicably, Duke) was not sufficient to teach third grade. The state claimed I needed 6 credits of social sciences (actually they still do) including geography and economics. I guess reading Adam Smith's The Wealth of Nations, Max Weber, and Karl Marx, among others isn't really economics, right? I mean, Smith only freaking invented the discipline!! Oh and I needed more math. Because I'd only taken a year of calculus. And everyone knows that you need more math than that to teach multiplication and division facts. Oh and I also needed some English classes. Because I only had 2 years of English from some of the top people in the country (David Bevington and Michael Murrin come to mind). And I needed that pesky geography. Because a degree in Near Eastern Civilizations and Medieval Studies never taught me anything about geography. Nor did my entire course on the evolution of the earth and it's physical properties. Oh and I needed student teacher, observation, curriculum and Language Arts instruction. WTF?!?!
So I began to gather information. In order to justify my education to a state that takes people who don't know that oil, not sun is what most cars run on in the world, who don't know "what that archduke guy" had to do with World War I, who cannot understand that the Bill of Rights is a series of amendments to the Constitution, not their own constitution, I had to find course descriptions of the classes I took in college almost 20 years ago. And as it turns out, Chicago, while relatively moribund in some ways, is no longer teaching some of the classes.
First I called the Alumni Association to find out who to call. They put me through to admissions who had no idea why. They told me to call the registrar who was closed. I called admissions back. They told me to call career placement services who were just as foul and surly as I remembered them being. I couldn't get the description of my Humanities courses. I did get the soc ones (Hmmmmm, Soc.... Not Social Sciences, surely!). But the math was going to be a problem.
And then my wonderful fabulous husband stepped in. He was pissed. And not just a little bit. He sent a scathing letter off to everyone who could conceivably help in any way (think school board member, our state senator, our state representative, the mayor, superintendent, etc). I was still trying the old fashioned way by collecting data.
The next morning I was as down as I could be, looking at either taking some jackass math class on addition and subtraction from an online place and facing a year of $155/day with no leave time at all, when who should come to my door, but my incredibly amazing principal (she is so unbelievable I can't get over it!) and the head of HR. She'd had a little chatty poo with the Powers that Be at the State, and Lo! Calculus would be sufficient for my provisional certification so that I could teach things like 1/2 is more than 1/4! I was on contract! I would be paid! I could go to the dentist and not lose any money! My poor, ground, chipped teeth could be cared for (but not paid for by the city whose benefits I have never taken and who has made money off me on that for years)! I could get a Pap Smear in peace (or relative, because let's face it, that procedure totally sucks).
So that was the drama of the past week. That and the other crap that usually happens. Insane children, threats of pending snow (didn't happen), etc.
Oh and I bought The Kid a bed. A loft bed. So yesterday was a massive purge-a-rama in the house to make room for the old bed and get the new one in.
And the painter can't come until January. But may be doing the bathroom this week. If he can. Maybe.
Wednesday, November 21, 2007
Do they have to put things together in China?
I mean if everything is made there, is everything already pre-assembled for them? Is that like a courtesy for those who make everything in the world in their own country? Maybe I'll ask Russel when he comes for Thanksgiving tomorrow. He's a Chinese national. Or is that gauche to do to a guest? Because I really want to know.
For our Thanksgiving miracle this year, the shower door was installed and the bathroom cabinet that I ordered two months ago arrived. As a celebratory experience Ricardo and I decided to put the cabinet together and to finally move into our bathroom which we've been without for months now.
The odd thing was that it all seemed to be going very well. We had the usual assembly squabbling over stripped screws and the usual stupid assed jokes about how we'd "screwed" al afternoon (as if in 17 years together that one was still funny). But aside from some pouting on my part (I wanted to use the electric screw driver, Goddamn it. Why should I always have to have the pussy assed job of holding the stupid screws and putting them in the holes?) and the snarling on Ricardo's part (OK, I did totally strip the screws when he did give me the electric screw driver, but not worse than he did when he did the hinge on the other side) it was a breeze.
Until we tried to put it up. And here's where we got cocky. As many of you may know, the bathroom situation became a major gut job when we discovered the tiles had been put straight on the drywall. This meant that all the walls had to be removed and replaced with new drywall. Pain in the ass, yes. But handy for finding the studs because Darryl our painter hasn't shown up (in fairness, he told us he couldn't start until November and November is A) not over and B) will end before he starts, but damn, he's good!). So right now there's spackle over the screws that went into the studs. Piece of cake right?
Wrong. Because the holes of the cabinet are 15 inches apart and our studs are 16 1/2 inches apart. So we got out the big scary drill, put holes in the wall and hammered in the anchors. Except one of the anchors got hammered straight through the hole and into the wall. This would be fine, except that it was at 5:18pm and Martin Hardware closes at 5:30. So, God willing, Ricardo will have made it there in time to get new anchors so no one has to go to the satanic Lowes.
To make a rather long story just a bit longer, the cabinet is not up. The house is a wreck. My mother is potentially lost on the Powhite Parkway (which I swear is not a made up name. Anyone who has been to Richmond knows this is true). My son is at a friend's house. TiVo is taping a Ben 10 marathon for him and I now can't shower because the cabinet is taking up the whole bathroom. And I smell kind of bad. And I'm out of orange juice.
For our Thanksgiving miracle this year, the shower door was installed and the bathroom cabinet that I ordered two months ago arrived. As a celebratory experience Ricardo and I decided to put the cabinet together and to finally move into our bathroom which we've been without for months now.
The odd thing was that it all seemed to be going very well. We had the usual assembly squabbling over stripped screws and the usual stupid assed jokes about how we'd "screwed" al afternoon (as if in 17 years together that one was still funny). But aside from some pouting on my part (I wanted to use the electric screw driver, Goddamn it. Why should I always have to have the pussy assed job of holding the stupid screws and putting them in the holes?) and the snarling on Ricardo's part (OK, I did totally strip the screws when he did give me the electric screw driver, but not worse than he did when he did the hinge on the other side) it was a breeze.
Until we tried to put it up. And here's where we got cocky. As many of you may know, the bathroom situation became a major gut job when we discovered the tiles had been put straight on the drywall. This meant that all the walls had to be removed and replaced with new drywall. Pain in the ass, yes. But handy for finding the studs because Darryl our painter hasn't shown up (in fairness, he told us he couldn't start until November and November is A) not over and B) will end before he starts, but damn, he's good!). So right now there's spackle over the screws that went into the studs. Piece of cake right?
Wrong. Because the holes of the cabinet are 15 inches apart and our studs are 16 1/2 inches apart. So we got out the big scary drill, put holes in the wall and hammered in the anchors. Except one of the anchors got hammered straight through the hole and into the wall. This would be fine, except that it was at 5:18pm and Martin Hardware closes at 5:30. So, God willing, Ricardo will have made it there in time to get new anchors so no one has to go to the satanic Lowes.
To make a rather long story just a bit longer, the cabinet is not up. The house is a wreck. My mother is potentially lost on the Powhite Parkway (which I swear is not a made up name. Anyone who has been to Richmond knows this is true). My son is at a friend's house. TiVo is taping a Ben 10 marathon for him and I now can't shower because the cabinet is taking up the whole bathroom. And I smell kind of bad. And I'm out of orange juice.
Saturday, November 17, 2007
I absolutely must share this with the world
Haagen Dazs (or however the hell you spell it) has come out with a new ice cream called Sticky Toffee Pudding and it is so incredibly delicious that I could only stop myself from eating an entire pint by berating myself over and over. When that didn't work, I opened the kitchen door until I was shaking with cold and had to stop eating it. Even with that I put away probably 1/2 the container. So much for two bites.
I have the weekend to myself and all I can think about
is how much the bookshelves in my classroom are bugging the shit out of me. It's 7:39 am and I am ready to go into school and take care of the shelves. WTF is the matter with me. I have reached some kind of work-a-thon situation where any and all spare time must somehow be devoted to work so that I don't get behind. I don't think I spent this much time working when I taught high school. I know I didn't when I did middle and certainly not this much at my last school. I am starting to think that elementary school teachers should be paid more than upper levels because it is so much more freaking work.
Oh and I also have a cold which means I have almost no voice. That made for a swell week this week.
Thankfully, it's only two days of teaching this week and then Thanksgiving. I do need to shop for that and get ready because we're having guests for it. Oddly I am not tweaked about that. Maybe because working has dulled my brain. Actually it does feel that way, like I can't get clear thoughts. I don't know what's with that. I actually took my evening medications (including the help you sleep pills) in the morning yesterday by mistake. Maybe that's why I'm foggy?
So after the break we've rearranged the kids and now I will be teaching all subjects even math. I have never taught math. But I'm going to do it.
It's been a wonderfully humbling year. Maybe this is what I needed even. Because for the last few years I have felt like I was really good at what I do and that I knew how to do it. But now I am in a situation where I have no idea whether what I knew was right before will be right for these kids now. So it's all trial and error. Some skills transfer and others don't. I feel completely incompetent, despite the numerous people who say I am doing well. At least I've reached an age where this level of doubt is not undermining me. Had this happened even 5 years ago I think I would have hung it up and run away from the challenge. Because it is no small challenge. But while I feel totally useless much of the time, and while I feel like I am not doing the job I know I did with the kids I *know* how to teach, I also feel like it's a really good chance to overcome the hurdles and challenges. In some ways, while my year off was what I really wanted, maybe this wall is what I really needed. I'm still unsure about whether or not that's going to prove to be true.
In the meantime, I am going to go get a bagel and fix those fucking bookshelves before they haunt me all weekend.
Oh and I also have a cold which means I have almost no voice. That made for a swell week this week.
Thankfully, it's only two days of teaching this week and then Thanksgiving. I do need to shop for that and get ready because we're having guests for it. Oddly I am not tweaked about that. Maybe because working has dulled my brain. Actually it does feel that way, like I can't get clear thoughts. I don't know what's with that. I actually took my evening medications (including the help you sleep pills) in the morning yesterday by mistake. Maybe that's why I'm foggy?
So after the break we've rearranged the kids and now I will be teaching all subjects even math. I have never taught math. But I'm going to do it.
It's been a wonderfully humbling year. Maybe this is what I needed even. Because for the last few years I have felt like I was really good at what I do and that I knew how to do it. But now I am in a situation where I have no idea whether what I knew was right before will be right for these kids now. So it's all trial and error. Some skills transfer and others don't. I feel completely incompetent, despite the numerous people who say I am doing well. At least I've reached an age where this level of doubt is not undermining me. Had this happened even 5 years ago I think I would have hung it up and run away from the challenge. Because it is no small challenge. But while I feel totally useless much of the time, and while I feel like I am not doing the job I know I did with the kids I *know* how to teach, I also feel like it's a really good chance to overcome the hurdles and challenges. In some ways, while my year off was what I really wanted, maybe this wall is what I really needed. I'm still unsure about whether or not that's going to prove to be true.
In the meantime, I am going to go get a bagel and fix those fucking bookshelves before they haunt me all weekend.
Monday, November 12, 2007
Wow am I tired. Like I haven't said that before.
Friday was the Sock Hop. I'm not entirely sure I get what a Sock Hop is. I think it's supposed to be done in socks, but it seems to me that in the days of MRSA that's less than hygienic. So we all wore shoes. I was at school from 7:30 in the morning until 9:15 at night. With the exception of the 45 minutes I went home to fortify myself before I danced in public. More on that to come.
That wouldn't have been a long day had I now also had a 12 hour doosy on that Tuesday. Or the 10 hour the day before. Which also wouldn't suck today except I went in yesterday for 5 hours. And on Saturday I worked too. WTF? Why can I not get ahead?!
But back to the Sock Hop. Believe it or not, I got up in front of the whole school and parents and faculty (or the ones who were there anyway) and I danced to disco inferno. Thank God there were more than just me. But it was humiliating in the extreme. Weirdly it wasn't so bad considering it was for little kids.
At any rate, Friday made me realize I really, really , really have to quit the PTO. I am working too many hours and too hard to hold myself together and to figure out what the hell I'm doing to devote time to Sock Hops and Spring Flings and movie nights and the like. But the thing is every time I try to quit, I find the co-president sort of shakes it off. Like she won't accept my resignation. And I feel like I need to start getting pushy about it all. Even the Kid has said they did it for years without me they can do it again. And he's right, too.
So please provide any advice you can on how to quit. Right now it's my own demonic tar baby.
That wouldn't have been a long day had I now also had a 12 hour doosy on that Tuesday. Or the 10 hour the day before. Which also wouldn't suck today except I went in yesterday for 5 hours. And on Saturday I worked too. WTF? Why can I not get ahead?!
But back to the Sock Hop. Believe it or not, I got up in front of the whole school and parents and faculty (or the ones who were there anyway) and I danced to disco inferno. Thank God there were more than just me. But it was humiliating in the extreme. Weirdly it wasn't so bad considering it was for little kids.
At any rate, Friday made me realize I really, really , really have to quit the PTO. I am working too many hours and too hard to hold myself together and to figure out what the hell I'm doing to devote time to Sock Hops and Spring Flings and movie nights and the like. But the thing is every time I try to quit, I find the co-president sort of shakes it off. Like she won't accept my resignation. And I feel like I need to start getting pushy about it all. Even the Kid has said they did it for years without me they can do it again. And he's right, too.
So please provide any advice you can on how to quit. Right now it's my own demonic tar baby.
Friday, November 9, 2007
Drop dead tired
It's finally caught up with me. I am about to drop from exhaustion. The 70+ hour weeks are now taking their toll and along with other job stressers which shall remain nameless lest my school division have a cow and persecute me endlessly. I've reached the point where I feel sick even though I think I'm probably not.
However, I have reason to be hopeful. My kids seem to be getting the rather abstract concept of human adaptation to environment (yeah 'cause that's an appropriate concept for 8 year olds) as well as the idea that Greece left lasting contributions to Western society (ditto appropriateness). Of course, it could all be shot to shit when I given them their quiz tomorrow and I find that they think the Ancient Greeks had Nintendo Wiis and airplanes. But I feel confident. Now if only I can get them to understand specialization and interdependence...
However, I have reason to be hopeful. My kids seem to be getting the rather abstract concept of human adaptation to environment (yeah 'cause that's an appropriate concept for 8 year olds) as well as the idea that Greece left lasting contributions to Western society (ditto appropriateness). Of course, it could all be shot to shit when I given them their quiz tomorrow and I find that they think the Ancient Greeks had Nintendo Wiis and airplanes. But I feel confident. Now if only I can get them to understand specialization and interdependence...
Thursday, November 8, 2007
I'm back
But chastened. It seems that tech support at school has been checking up on me. Can you say First Amendment Rights Violation? So I can't log in or post at all from school and I have to be extremely careful.
So here's what I have to say.
Right now I am so tired I think I am going to start crying. Yesterday I was at school by 7:30am so I could get ready for conferences. I was at school until 7:30 pm when conferences let out and I finished with the PTO meeting I had. Then I was at school again at 6:50 this morning and left at 5:15 tonight.
Plus all the clocks in the school are whacked out because they are controlled centrally and apparently day light savings time has not happened in their cyborg universe.
Oh and we have a house guest. Who is lovely and kind and took us out for a great dinner tonight. But I don't feel like socializing.
Oh, and we have a water main break in front of our house. And they used a jackhammer.
I'm going to bed.
So here's what I have to say.
Right now I am so tired I think I am going to start crying. Yesterday I was at school by 7:30am so I could get ready for conferences. I was at school until 7:30 pm when conferences let out and I finished with the PTO meeting I had. Then I was at school again at 6:50 this morning and left at 5:15 tonight.
Plus all the clocks in the school are whacked out because they are controlled centrally and apparently day light savings time has not happened in their cyborg universe.
Oh and we have a house guest. Who is lovely and kind and took us out for a great dinner tonight. But I don't feel like socializing.
Oh, and we have a water main break in front of our house. And they used a jackhammer.
I'm going to bed.
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