more fun with food!

This morning we went for one of the best breakfasts there is in all of Spain. I make fun of Spanish food a lot. And I am in this post going to to an extent too, but I am going to begin with the following in which I rapturously talk about all the things I love about Spanish food.

1. Coffee. What the hell is wrong with the US? I have never had a bad cup of coffe the entire time I have been here. We've had coffee everywhere too. In the Atocha train station, at the crappy Rodillo sandwich place (don't get me started on their sandwiches), in excellent restaurants, tiny bars, everywhere. And every single place has absolutely amazingly good coffee. The coffee that is drunk here is espresso made in massive espresso makers like the kind that high end coffee bars have in the US. They are everywhere here. It no longer seems like extravagance to consider buying a really expensive (and I mean like $700) espresso maker when I get home. Because I don't think I could ever go back to the swill that Starbucks passes off as coffee after consuming the coffee nectar of Spain.

2. Hot chocolate. Oh my fucking God. There are not curses in my vocabulary (and if you know me well you know that I am stating something above and beyond there!!!!) to describe the richness, the decadence, the sinful delight of a cup of this stuff here. Let's start with the fact that they melt a bar of chocolate to make it. There is no powder, no cocoa, none of that shit. It's a bar of chocolate. Stuff is so thick your spoon can stand up in it people. This morning The Kid had one with dulce de leche on the bottom and whipped cream on the top. This is the kind of shit that would have a street value in the US. At home, we'd bottle this and paint it on each other during sex games. You don't even know.

3. And it's eaten with churros or better yet, porros. These are fried pieces of extruded batter (thin for churros and thick for porros). Like donuts but much better because they absorb the coffee or help to mop up the chocolate stuck to the sides of the cup (although I am not above simply using my fingers).

4. Orange juice. In almost every place this is produced in a machine (and they all seem to be Zumex machines) that has a receptacle on the top for loads and loads of fresh lovely oranges. Order a juice (inexplicably called a zumo –thumo– here) and the oranges roll down, and get squeezed to order into your glass. It's like the Ritz-Carlton, but it's normal here.

And that was our breakfast. Yum!!

Now that you know that I actually love eating here, it's time to resume our regularly scheduled program of weird menu signs. These are on the way to and from The Kid's school and it happened I had my camera today to share them with you, my dear readers.

This is the aptly named "wet fish." It is wet because it is raw, I expect. I think it is meant to be "white fish" which to a Spanish ear will sound almost exactly like "wet fish." But it's baffling nonetheless. The Kid's school isn't really a touristy area although it's a close hop to the Plaza Mayor. I think this restaurant is hoping for traffic to wander down and to dine there because of their prices (much lower than on the Plaza). I suspect they'll want to cook the wet fish first.

This same place also offers grilled sirloin steak. Maybe. It says it does. But it shows the steak raw. Is that so you know it's grilled? Or might be grilled if you order it? The Spanish like their meat rare (I approve of this) but this seems a bit ridiculously rare to me. Maybe this should be "wet steak." And why are there two of them? Will you get two per order? That's a lot of meat!!

And here is my very favorite! As always! The ensalada mixta. Look closely and see what's mixed into your salad! Ah that's right, tuna of course. But also shrimp. And is that eel? You betcha! As well as the ever present jarred white asparagus (which I don't get because asparagus grows wild here and could absolutely be eaten fresh!), hard boiled eggs, jarred peppers and a red mass of something I can't figure out. Vegetarians, there is no room for you here, this salad screams. No room for you!