Getting a visa! What a neat trick!

Up until last night we didn't know we needed visas to stay in Spain. That's not entirely true. I was mightily suspicious, mind you, but, well you know how it is. When your husband says trust you, and you know you have a lot of control issues and you're not very sane about things (no good reason for that. It's not like I have anything to worry about. Just nowhere to live or anything starting in a couple months) that little voice inside your head which says "no, you imbecile! don't trust him, check yourself, asshole!" gets stomped out by the voice that says "you really should trust him you know. How can you move to Spain without trust?"

Well guess what? Long story short. Trust in Allah, but tie your camel, cause you need a visa!

So here's what you need for the visa:

• letters from the doctor attesting that you do not carry infectious disease, are not drug addicts or mentally ill (kindly they have all agreed to bend the truth on the last bit there).
• copies of our marriage license (the real one not a copied one)
• a copy of The Kid's birth certificate
• 4 passport photos
• 3 months worth of bank records
• evidence that we have at least $100,000 in salary and savings combined for the next year (good thing we applied for a home equity line and rented the house!)
• and, wait for it..... FBI criminal background checks.

I have just spent the last hour and a half discovering how to get said checks. And there is some very bad news associated with this. First of all, I don't get why this is necessary. Maybe it's me and I just watch way to much CSI, but let's face it, they all use the same damn databases don't they? So who cares who's running the computer really? Why must it be the FBI? Turns out the FBI takes 12 weeks to do this. Do the math, that's like well into September. Not good. So the consulate has agreed to let a local authority's background check stand while we wait on the feds. But it turns out the locals don't do this anymore. So we have to go to the State Police for it. Now I'm not only into the FBI for $18/person but the State for $20/person as well as the consulate for $100/person as well. And all this so the country of Spain can collect my money with my promise not to earn a penny while there. Nice huh?

So for anyone who doesn't keep their original marriage licenses and birth certificates hanging around, you might want to order copies. you never know when you'll need them in an emergency!