Great sayings of a favorite student

So I have this student. He's a special ed kid. He has some issues (not the least of which is that he is incapable of making eye contact so he always turns his head towards you and his eyes away, and also he doesn't like to be touched. Oh and he takes forever to write even his name.) but he is easily one of the most hilarious people I have ever met.

It all began with a few comments here or there. He doesn't speak much and when he does it's very slowly. Oh and he has a serious drawl type accent. He's seriously below grade level in reading and math and it's likely he will always struggle. But somehow he's a genius when it comes to funny things.

For example, we were talking about solids, liquids and gases because states of matter are something that third graders have to know. So we were drawing pictures (which is really hard for him). It started out easy.

"A car is a solid."
"Yes, yes it is. Good job!"
"Hand (it sounded like Haaaaaaayyyuuuunnnnnd) Sanitizer is a liquid." Did i mention he's obsessed with hand sanitizer?
"Very good, it sure is!"
"Gas is a gas." Fuck. Where was this going.
"Um, what kind Dwayne? Like you put in a car?" (This is NOT his real name, but for a black kid he's weirdly a bubba).
"No (it sounded like now-wuh). Gas. Like when you eat the beans."
"Yep. That's a gas."

And that was just a taste. This kid continues to crack my shit up! So not too long after that I had this very Type A girl freaking out over an assignment in class. She couldn't wait for the directions and she kept trying to interrupt. Just then I hear from next to her:

"Patience (payshuns) little grasshopper (grays hoppuh)." And it's him.

Lately he's taken to saying happy birthday to everyone just to see them react and say it's not their birthday. Then he giggles and smiles. But he doesn't ever look at you when he does it.

Another girl was complaining the other day about her mom's boyfriend. We were talking about energy and how people get their energy from food and sleep and water but machines get it from oil and gas and solar power etc.

"My momma boyfriend, he don't never sleep. He be up to 6 in the morning then he gone and sleep all day!" she exclaimed.
"Maybe he's nocturnal (knock-ter-nahl)" says my sage.

Not one day later, we're reviewing economics terms:

"Name a producer, Dwayne," I said.
"Me," he replied.
"What good or service do you provide, honey?" I innocently asked, thinking he was confused.
"Ah'm fuuuuuhhhnnee," he replied.

Yes. Yes he is.