Howdy. I've been sick.

And not just a little bit actually. First there was the nothing little cold over Thanksgiving (oh and four days of migraine pain, but that's still not a huge deal). I thought I was on the mend but noooooooooo.

The Monday after Thanksgiving, I tried to go to school. I knew I had a fever, but it seemed like I could just tough it out. At 12:00 they sent me home because I was at 102.5. So I went home and went to bed. Then I realized maybe I had the flu. I mean I'd had the flu shot, but you can still get it. And fever, aches, pains, cough. Seemed reasonable.

Next day went to the doctor. They said flu! The nurse said infection. My oxygen levels were only at 91% (should be more like 99). But I went home with a tamiflu script and some codeine cough syrup. And a fever of 103.2. No school all week.

I never got better. By Friday my doctor called and said it wasn't the flu, the test had come back negative. But I still couldn't breathe. He said it was a virus and he didn't need to see me. (I've got a new doctor now). The next day, Saturday, I was still running in the 103s and Ricardo packed me off to the Doc in the Box. Chest films, blood work... diagnosis: multi focal double pneumonia, mostly in the right lung with a good chunk in the lower left lung as well. Antibiotics, rest, no school. Back home.

I was supposed to go back for a follow up on Tuesday and make sure the antibiotics were working. On Tuesday I sounded worse and was still running a fever in the 101s. They diagnosed me with atypical pneumonia (in other words, non viral, non strep pneumonia) and put me on a second antibiotic. By Friday when I'd finished the first I was finally starting to feel better. I went back that day for another follow up and a chest film and low and behold, the left lung had cleared and the right was better.

But that night I started vomiting. It was not unlike having cholera (I have had it so I know). I was so desperately sick I could not hold down water. Back to the doctor's that Saturday.

The antibiotics had given me something called c-diff colitis which is when they kill off all the good bacteria and then the bad stuff (the c-diff) proliferates and poisons your entire system. I was badly dehydrated. They gave me a shot of fenergin, a prescription for more antibiotics and sent me home to hydrate. But I couldn't. I was so tired and so sick I couldn't get fluid in well enough. So Sunday morning it was the ER. For about 20 minutes they tried to get a line in me but I was too dehydrated and I'm a tough stick any way. My white blood count was more than twice normal, my liver function was all whacky and, when they finally did get an IV in I needed three liters of fluids to rehydrate. No school that week either.

The new antibiotic made me very sick so I had to keep taking the antinausea meds as well. However these make you so tired that all I did was sleep. I finally started feeling better in time for The Kid's birthday (12/23) and today I feel ok. I'm still super tired all the time and I have no strength or energy. I lost 15 pounds (but have put back 4). And that's what I've been up to in December.

A couple lost sayings that should have been included

The first one is courtesy of his reading class. While working with another student in his reading group, Dwayne wanted to get her attention. (Same girl as momma's boyfriend girl). So out of nowhere is heard "Gahther rownduh leetle cheeldrin, it's stooory tahm."

The other excellent line was from a discussion we had about geothermal energy. I had told the kids that we'd been to some geysers in Chile that had been used to create geothermal energy. Then I showed them pictures of it and explained that geysers were boiling hot streams of water heated by underground volcanoes. I also mentioned that someone who had been there didn't listen to the guides and burned himself badly.

"He put his hand right in to it," I explained.
"Way-ul, may be he was doin' thuh Ho-key Po-key."

Maybe he was.

Great sayings of a favorite student

So I have this student. He's a special ed kid. He has some issues (not the least of which is that he is incapable of making eye contact so he always turns his head towards you and his eyes away, and also he doesn't like to be touched. Oh and he takes forever to write even his name.) but he is easily one of the most hilarious people I have ever met.

It all began with a few comments here or there. He doesn't speak much and when he does it's very slowly. Oh and he has a serious drawl type accent. He's seriously below grade level in reading and math and it's likely he will always struggle. But somehow he's a genius when it comes to funny things.

For example, we were talking about solids, liquids and gases because states of matter are something that third graders have to know. So we were drawing pictures (which is really hard for him). It started out easy.

"A car is a solid."
"Yes, yes it is. Good job!"
"Hand (it sounded like Haaaaaaayyyuuuunnnnnd) Sanitizer is a liquid." Did i mention he's obsessed with hand sanitizer?
"Very good, it sure is!"
"Gas is a gas." Fuck. Where was this going.
"Um, what kind Dwayne? Like you put in a car?" (This is NOT his real name, but for a black kid he's weirdly a bubba).
"No (it sounded like now-wuh). Gas. Like when you eat the beans."
"Yep. That's a gas."

And that was just a taste. This kid continues to crack my shit up! So not too long after that I had this very Type A girl freaking out over an assignment in class. She couldn't wait for the directions and she kept trying to interrupt. Just then I hear from next to her:

"Patience (payshuns) little grasshopper (grays hoppuh)." And it's him.

Lately he's taken to saying happy birthday to everyone just to see them react and say it's not their birthday. Then he giggles and smiles. But he doesn't ever look at you when he does it.

Another girl was complaining the other day about her mom's boyfriend. We were talking about energy and how people get their energy from food and sleep and water but machines get it from oil and gas and solar power etc.

"My momma boyfriend, he don't never sleep. He be up to 6 in the morning then he gone and sleep all day!" she exclaimed.
"Maybe he's nocturnal (knock-ter-nahl)" says my sage.

Not one day later, we're reviewing economics terms:

"Name a producer, Dwayne," I said.
"Me," he replied.
"What good or service do you provide, honey?" I innocently asked, thinking he was confused.
"Ah'm fuuuuuhhhnnee," he replied.

Yes. Yes he is.