Good news! Mom's going to be fine

The surgery went really well yesterday. It was an hour and a half shorter than they expected and they said the cancer was completely contained and they got it all "if it exists." So I am thrilled by that, frankly. And the fact that she is back to being Miss Sassypants. Well duh! Where did you think I got it?

Is there such a thing as sympathy stomach problems?

I know that people can get sympathy cravings when their wives/partners are pregnant. But stomach issues? Hmmmmmm.

So I am in a major city in New England for my mom's cancer surgery and before the surgery she had to like roto rooter her insides. And I swear to God I am having the same thing in sympathy for her!!! What the fuck is *that*?

In other news, I have functionally finished the school year. I have left my kids in the hands of a sub. Ricardo is on the field trip with them right now and it's clear that the sub is not doing a great job. But, not my problem any more.

I should be here until June 5. Then I head back to home and pop into work that Friday. And then I really am done with the year. And what a hellacious year it's been. I feel like fucking Hurley from Lost.

Why do I always seem to get the first summer cold?

I've got a lovely cold right now. Complete with cough and asthma and the works. Just in time for the end of the year. I figure it has to be the stress of the year and the work and the house an my mom's being ill (clearly not your fault, mom!). But fuck! Just when I need to kick it into over drive, I come down with this shitty cold.

So last night instead of going to Richmond with Ricardo and the Kid and some friends to have dinner at a former colleague of Ricardo's house, I lay in bed and watched Bones on TV.

Which brings me to this post.

I have discovered that I am totally enamored of all kinds of truly sick TV watching. All these medical shows and Bones which is all about murders and sick decompositions of bodies and crap like that. When I look for shows on TiVo I inevitably am drawn to such gems as "I am my own Twin" about fetus in fetu (basically a parasitic undeveloped twin). Or I tape things about conjoined twins and their separation.

I am both repulsed by "A New Face for Marlie" and fascinated by it. Every time I look for that miracle of how much better they look when their massive facial tumors are removed and bone is crafted into a new "face." But they don't really look good at the end. And they are still kind of gross.

I can't get enough of shows on Primordial Dwarfs, people so small they rarely are bigger than a couple feet or weigh more than 20 pounds or so. I watch in horrified fascination as these miniature people are shown to be "just like everyone else" except for them a toy tea set is the right size.

And while I am ashamed at my need for these kinds of shows, it makes me feel like there is an audience out there for this or there would A) be no discovery health network and B) not be these shows.

So it all makes me think that this is the modern day sideshow in action. Instead of paying 50¢ a peep, I pay $120/month for cable TV which allows me to TiVo any and all of this kind of shit. It doesn't make me feel better about my viewing, but does at least allow me to view it at home in the privacy of my secluded room where I don't have to admit to others that I want to see this stuff.

Except, I just did.

Words cannot express the unabashed joy and euphoria

I experienced when upon arriving home from picking the Kid up at Tae Kwon Do, I found in my mail the newest issue of Touch of Class®!!! Elegant and casual? Scintillating and classy? Handcrafted and handpainted? You bet your ass it is!!!!!!!!!!

The count down begins

So a lot of shit is going on right now. My mom is having surgery (Hi Mom!) on 5/29. This means I am officially done with school on 5/27 because I have to travel on 5/28. School lets out on 6/4 and I don't get back from my unspecified location until 6/5. So this week is my last week.

And what can I say but Halle-fucking-lujah! The testing we've been going through has bottomed out my kids. They are grouchy, mean, prone to crying (actually that's not new), tantrumy, and miserable. I am grouchy, mean, prone to crying and while not tantrumy, tending towards the sarcastic with them which is not good and I am trying to avoid it.

In the meantime, I am trying to leave sub plans for the days I will be out. They look like this:

day 1: babysit
day 2: babysit on an all day field trip
day 3: babysit at field day
day 4: babysit in the room, make sure it gets clean
day 5: babysit in the room, don't let them kill each other
day 6: hold on until school is out at 1:00.

Good luck to *that* sub!