Benefits Boogie!

So due to a number of reasons, none of which I plan to share in this forum, we're in the market for health insurance. And as it happens we kind of need to get the benefits under way, by oh say, Sunday of next week.

Ricardo is going to be visiting professor at GWU this year and will be there for 4 days a week. So he can get his benefits there, in DC. But here in Svarlbad, we're kind of out of network. So what to do? Shall I get my insurance through the schools? Shall I trek to DC for my care? Should we risk it and go with a low cost PPO or play it safe with the HMO? Arrrgh!

So today was spent poring over various charts and tables dedicated to health plans. Have you ever spent any time looking at these things? I swear to God, they're designed to try to be "easy to read." What this means is that they are indecipherable.

Here are some examples of the weirdness of all this.

In order to cover myself and my family on my health plan it will cost me $987 a month. That's what they will deduct from my check. However they will then give me a bunch of money back. So what will the health plan actually cost? Wait for it....$488.17 a month. WTF?

But here's the kicker. It's cheaper for me to insure myself and my son on one plan and myself and my husband on the other plan than it is to insure all of us. So basically, it would cost (actually cost, once they paid back parts) $106.08/month for me to insure myself and The Kid. To insure myself and Ricardo? $275.45. To insure all of us? $488.17. WTF????

Then which plan do you chose? What is coinsurance? Why are the deductibles $20 or $30 for your PCP? What are they charging extra for? And why won't they tell you? Why do some plans have deductibles and coinsurance. And when it's a deductible of $1500 is that for one person? two people? 19 people?

I also have found that the people who work for benefits are terrible to deal with. Because they have been asked every question there is to ask about benefits and they understand the plans perfectly, and how retarded do *you* have to be to be asking *that*?

I'm starting to understand why it is that my shrink doesn't deal with any insurance of any kind. She is strictly cash and carry and I am beginning to respect that.

In a related note today someone who shall remain nameless (if it were I, I'd totally tell you, it's not like you don't know my bra size and my dress size, for Christ's sake) went to his/her shrink and had a whole conversation about anti-depressants. Two fascinating observations came out of this.

Observation 1: Why do the media call antidepressants "happy pills?" If they actually made you happy they'd have a street value.

So that got me thinking, as it is, they make it so that you have the potential for happiness, but ultimately whether you experience it or not is up to you and who you're hanging out with. Perhaps one should try the Little Miss Sunshine test. If you're on your meds and you can't laugh at that movie, you need to have a chat with the shrink.

The second observation the shrink made is as follows: How does he know when someone is over medicated? If they have a conversation with their health insurance company and they aren't enraged, they're over medicated.

And thus the whirligig of time brings in his revenges...