I made it through the last few days of school by telling myself that I am a woman with more than 5 kinds of rum in my liquor cabinet. Is that bad? Because I don't think that's bad. What's bad is that today I felt that that was not enough and that like all other teachers, I might have to go to the "Alphabet Store" (AKA the ABC store which is where one buys alcohol) because I really was feeling more like gin than rum. That's bad.
But right now it's silent. The Kid is off at piano. The wonderful husband who took him there has offered to eat eggs tonight so I don't have to "cook" cook. My house is spotlessly clean because our incredible cleaning lady was here this morning and it smells great because one of my partners at school gave me this delicious sage and citrus candle. And I got paid. For real because I am certified (and certifiable, Kassia, that too). For this one shining moment, there is peace on earth for me.
Thursday, December 20, 2007
Sunday, December 16, 2007
Strange events of late
When I took my current teaching job it was with the understanding that I would get provisional certification in about 6 weeks and then be on contract. Ah, but bureaucracy got in the way.
After about six weeks I did indeed hear from the state. They had a copy of my transcript from when I got my original certification. But they'd put it on microfilm. And they couldn't read it. So I needed another one. Grrrr. So I went online and got a digital copy with a digital signature. The state won't accept that. I needed an official copy (the digital one was, btw) on the appropriately grave and somber paper. $64 later I had them overnighted and off to the state.
Then I get the news that I have been turned down for a provisional certification. Why? Because apparently an education from the University of Chicago (ranked #9 in the nation behind the ivies, MIT, Cal Tech and inexplicably, Duke) was not sufficient to teach third grade. The state claimed I needed 6 credits of social sciences (actually they still do) including geography and economics. I guess reading Adam Smith's The Wealth of Nations, Max Weber, and Karl Marx, among others isn't really economics, right? I mean, Smith only freaking invented the discipline!! Oh and I needed more math. Because I'd only taken a year of calculus. And everyone knows that you need more math than that to teach multiplication and division facts. Oh and I also needed some English classes. Because I only had 2 years of English from some of the top people in the country (David Bevington and Michael Murrin come to mind). And I needed that pesky geography. Because a degree in Near Eastern Civilizations and Medieval Studies never taught me anything about geography. Nor did my entire course on the evolution of the earth and it's physical properties. Oh and I needed student teacher, observation, curriculum and Language Arts instruction. WTF?!?!
So I began to gather information. In order to justify my education to a state that takes people who don't know that oil, not sun is what most cars run on in the world, who don't know "what that archduke guy" had to do with World War I, who cannot understand that the Bill of Rights is a series of amendments to the Constitution, not their own constitution, I had to find course descriptions of the classes I took in college almost 20 years ago. And as it turns out, Chicago, while relatively moribund in some ways, is no longer teaching some of the classes.
First I called the Alumni Association to find out who to call. They put me through to admissions who had no idea why. They told me to call the registrar who was closed. I called admissions back. They told me to call career placement services who were just as foul and surly as I remembered them being. I couldn't get the description of my Humanities courses. I did get the soc ones (Hmmmmm, Soc.... Not Social Sciences, surely!). But the math was going to be a problem.
And then my wonderful fabulous husband stepped in. He was pissed. And not just a little bit. He sent a scathing letter off to everyone who could conceivably help in any way (think school board member, our state senator, our state representative, the mayor, superintendent, etc). I was still trying the old fashioned way by collecting data.
The next morning I was as down as I could be, looking at either taking some jackass math class on addition and subtraction from an online place and facing a year of $155/day with no leave time at all, when who should come to my door, but my incredibly amazing principal (she is so unbelievable I can't get over it!) and the head of HR. She'd had a little chatty poo with the Powers that Be at the State, and Lo! Calculus would be sufficient for my provisional certification so that I could teach things like 1/2 is more than 1/4! I was on contract! I would be paid! I could go to the dentist and not lose any money! My poor, ground, chipped teeth could be cared for (but not paid for by the city whose benefits I have never taken and who has made money off me on that for years)! I could get a Pap Smear in peace (or relative, because let's face it, that procedure totally sucks).
So that was the drama of the past week. That and the other crap that usually happens. Insane children, threats of pending snow (didn't happen), etc.
Oh and I bought The Kid a bed. A loft bed. So yesterday was a massive purge-a-rama in the house to make room for the old bed and get the new one in.
And the painter can't come until January. But may be doing the bathroom this week. If he can. Maybe.
After about six weeks I did indeed hear from the state. They had a copy of my transcript from when I got my original certification. But they'd put it on microfilm. And they couldn't read it. So I needed another one. Grrrr. So I went online and got a digital copy with a digital signature. The state won't accept that. I needed an official copy (the digital one was, btw) on the appropriately grave and somber paper. $64 later I had them overnighted and off to the state.
Then I get the news that I have been turned down for a provisional certification. Why? Because apparently an education from the University of Chicago (ranked #9 in the nation behind the ivies, MIT, Cal Tech and inexplicably, Duke) was not sufficient to teach third grade. The state claimed I needed 6 credits of social sciences (actually they still do) including geography and economics. I guess reading Adam Smith's The Wealth of Nations, Max Weber, and Karl Marx, among others isn't really economics, right? I mean, Smith only freaking invented the discipline!! Oh and I needed more math. Because I'd only taken a year of calculus. And everyone knows that you need more math than that to teach multiplication and division facts. Oh and I also needed some English classes. Because I only had 2 years of English from some of the top people in the country (David Bevington and Michael Murrin come to mind). And I needed that pesky geography. Because a degree in Near Eastern Civilizations and Medieval Studies never taught me anything about geography. Nor did my entire course on the evolution of the earth and it's physical properties. Oh and I needed student teacher, observation, curriculum and Language Arts instruction. WTF?!?!
So I began to gather information. In order to justify my education to a state that takes people who don't know that oil, not sun is what most cars run on in the world, who don't know "what that archduke guy" had to do with World War I, who cannot understand that the Bill of Rights is a series of amendments to the Constitution, not their own constitution, I had to find course descriptions of the classes I took in college almost 20 years ago. And as it turns out, Chicago, while relatively moribund in some ways, is no longer teaching some of the classes.
First I called the Alumni Association to find out who to call. They put me through to admissions who had no idea why. They told me to call the registrar who was closed. I called admissions back. They told me to call career placement services who were just as foul and surly as I remembered them being. I couldn't get the description of my Humanities courses. I did get the soc ones (Hmmmmm, Soc.... Not Social Sciences, surely!). But the math was going to be a problem.
And then my wonderful fabulous husband stepped in. He was pissed. And not just a little bit. He sent a scathing letter off to everyone who could conceivably help in any way (think school board member, our state senator, our state representative, the mayor, superintendent, etc). I was still trying the old fashioned way by collecting data.
The next morning I was as down as I could be, looking at either taking some jackass math class on addition and subtraction from an online place and facing a year of $155/day with no leave time at all, when who should come to my door, but my incredibly amazing principal (she is so unbelievable I can't get over it!) and the head of HR. She'd had a little chatty poo with the Powers that Be at the State, and Lo! Calculus would be sufficient for my provisional certification so that I could teach things like 1/2 is more than 1/4! I was on contract! I would be paid! I could go to the dentist and not lose any money! My poor, ground, chipped teeth could be cared for (but not paid for by the city whose benefits I have never taken and who has made money off me on that for years)! I could get a Pap Smear in peace (or relative, because let's face it, that procedure totally sucks).
So that was the drama of the past week. That and the other crap that usually happens. Insane children, threats of pending snow (didn't happen), etc.
Oh and I bought The Kid a bed. A loft bed. So yesterday was a massive purge-a-rama in the house to make room for the old bed and get the new one in.
And the painter can't come until January. But may be doing the bathroom this week. If he can. Maybe.
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